Homesick and Boredom co.

the rant of all rants

Lately, I have been experiencing an acute phase of boredom. It has been happening a lot since the time I finished high school. I terribly miss it too. When I’d be back home, I had a routine and boredom was felt rather exclusively. Even if it was felt, it would be met by a quick trip to the grocery store or trying something new in the city that I came across on social media. Sometimes or more like most times, it would be going one floor down and having a gossip session over coffee with my sister in law. I miss the life I had home and I didn’t see the value of it then. Cliché, right? Unsurprisingly, life does consist of multiple clichéd moments which I didn’t realize until a while ago. I have finished Year 1 which is still mind boggling for me. It reminds me that I am old and I continue to get older. Weren’t I in Grade 10 like two days ago? How did I land up at uni? My assignments were roughly due a week after each. The last one was due on the 23rd. Although, I had completed most work way before the dates, I have been feeling like there’s nothing to do since the time I stopped going to uni which has been a little over a month now. I miss uni. I literally had classes only thrice a week which I would feel to be little and since they have completely stopped now and will only resume in September which seems to be a zillion light years away, I feel as if I am left without any purpose. Because, uni was my purpose, right? I was yet to make so many more memories with my friends there but alas, it was to end very soon. I am to go back home for my peculiarly prolonged holidays, but unfortunately, my visa seems to be holding up for reasons known only to them and unknown to any John Doe.

Sometimes I have thoughts, and I think I will write into this elongated essay for Substack but when I start typing it doesn’t seem to be such. It is merely a couple hundred words and I ponder- are so little words worth a Substack post? And I conclude with they’re not. So I have decided to write multiple ideas in one post, let’s see how that works out.

I wrote the first paragraph of this post 2 days ago or 3, I am unsure.

Yesterday, the sister in law I mentioned earlier was in town and the two of us had a ball after almost a year of not doing what we usually do- trying new places in the city and gossiping over coffee. I spent almost most of the day with her and it just kept reminding me how much I miss home, again. As I was going through the day, it crossed my mind multiple times how the day has to end and that we have to part ways sooner or later. I am sure many have thought this when they are having a good time. I didn’t want the day to end.

It is the next day now, and I am back to my boredom phase with nothing to do. I have been rotting in bed most of the day and I pushed myself out of it against my sheer will and decided to continue writing this post. I still don’t know when I will stop and when this will end.

I have realized that I keep my writing either pending or leave it to marinate for a few days, and sometimes those few days turn into many days. I have a post ready for Substack and it’s been ready for a couple months now but I have no clue why I am not publishing it. It is a food review and that place is where I went yesterday with my sister in law. I might also publish that post first and this one maybe a week or fortnight later.

During the week of Eid, my parents were here and the whole family was together. That week was so busy, so busy and so so so busy. We would go out everyday, visiting the millions of relatives and friends that reside in this country. When I was in my early teenage years, I didn't like visiting people’s home a lot. I don’t even know if this is just desi culture or it happens in all communities but we do that a lot. We tend to meet our extended families frequently. And if it’s a festival or the nuptials of somebody, you can expect to see them everywhere for like a week or two. Lately, I like it. I like meeting my extended families. I am quite enjoying with them these days. Have I attained maturity? Or immaturity, rather? I guess we will never know.

I like being busy. It keeps your mind away from thoughts you don’t wanna think and your mind is occupied with where your attention needs to be. During the mentioned tremendously engaging week, my mind kept drifting back to how after it’s over, I have to go back to being bored and nothing to do. And that happened. Yesterday too, I wondered the same and well, here I am.

In August of last year, my dad had a heart attack or a cardiac arrest. I am not aware of the difference, really. It was impending, tbh. A disaster waiting to happen. You see, in December of the year before that, he checked his heart which revealed that all his arteries are almost fully blocked. He decided not to do anything about it since he was petrified with the idea of an open heart surgery. Post the hard attack or cardiac arrest, he had no choice, so he went ahead with it. He’s perfectly healthy now, it’s been over 9 months since. I went to India then for a month and he was in another state for his treatment. I was there for two weeks for his aftercare before heading to where we actually live in India. The two weeks there were probably the most bored I have ever been in life. Is there a measure to boredom? I don’t think, maybe I can create one.

Right now, it feels as if I have written a lot, but this doesn’t seem to be a lot a lot.

It is now the next day and after the paragraph above I planned for lunch with my friends for today. We went to this glamorous neighborhood and had our lunch at this place called Two Neighbors which had good food. The place was really cute and aesthetic. We then headed to the cafe next to it called Heaf for coffee and dessert. The place had this warm and rustic architecture. It portrayed the old wooden vibe. We had a Tiramisú Cheesecake which was absolutely divineee. The coffee? One of the best Spanish Lattes ever. We had a really good time together and good food=good mood, right? So, no boredom for today.

I have been procrastinating to even open this draft and continue since the last two or three days. It is the 1st of May today. April has gone by and I would say it was a festive month altogether. I was busy quite a lot of days of this month when I think of it now. Family, assignments, Eid, all kept me occupied.

I think I am going to end this post here, somewhat leaving you in between. Now, I wonder, is this post really necessary? Will reading this enlighten you and make you gain significant information in any way? Nope, definitely not. Yet, I wrote this and published this. Maybe, just maybe, you too are bored like me and are looking to fill their free time with some reading. Now that I think, I haven’t read in a really long time, as in a novel. I do read articles and Substack posts from time to time but been a good while I read a novel. I did start a couple books which were meh and stopped them midway a couple months ago. The last “good” book I read, as Goodreads says is Better than the movies by Lynn Painter. Might I add, ADORABLEEEE book. It is the perfect mix of childhood friends to lovers and he is also the boy next door AND a rom-com ofccc. What more could a reader want? Oh, yes, I am an avid romance reader in case you couldn’t make that out. After this I read Peer-e-Kamil by Umera Ahmed which is in Urdu but transcribed in English. It describes the coming together of two individuals who are separated by sects of Islam. Also, he thinks she’s dead for the longest time but that’s for you to find out as you go about with the book. Also a love story that will stay with you for long. I know Urdu and can also read and write the language but alas I am not very fluent in it. If you know the language or have any ideas regarding it, you should know that it is one of the most beautiful languages to ever exist. Especially to speak the language of love, it is all just so much more beautiful in Urdu. I wish it was Urdu written in English since that would have been much easier for me to read but unfortunately the only pdfs I came across were Urdu or English only. Urdu Shayaris (couplets) are also in high regards when it comes to love. There is also a sequel to it called Aab-e-Hayaat which tells you about their life after they’re together in Peer-e-Kamil. I couldn’t find any English pdf for it so I am yet to read the book but I hope I can soon, one day.

Maybe now, I really should end this post. I took about a week to write it and might take another to edit it. I really hope I am not just ranting in hopes of lengthening the write up but again, this publication is meant for rants, isn’t it?

xx